Best Years of Our Lives
by finding
Summary: If the person closest to you suddenly left, maybe even Li Syaoran would feel it, too.


**Li Syaoran often took his chatterbox of a friend for granted. In all his years he never learnt to treasure her. But when he finally realized her importance, it might be too late...**

This is dedicated to Kajiura Yuki for giving me inspiration, inspired by Best Years of Our Lives.

* * *

The pale semi-luminous orangey glow of the setting sun shone down gently onto all creation. The empty streets and lone streetlights meant no living beings cared to bask in this glorious setting. Of course, it was almost twilight, and the very presence of deadly silence reverberated throughout the hollow streets. 

On one street, however, peace was not present; two thirteen-year-olds ambled hand in hand towards the glamorous sunset. One was giggling half her life away, and the other was scowling slightly. He probably found her dominating of their one-sided conversation annoying, but he showed no sign of it. He looked perfectly normal, even. Then again, she knew that he didn't really mind anything, or didn't bother to show his feelings. Deep in his heart though, she knew, there were endless pools welling up and bubbling with the darkest of all melancholy and cheeriest of all delight. Every human had feelings, and Li Syaoran certainly was no exception.

She held tightly onto his hand, as if bestowing him strength to be brave; he probably imagined it to be a sign of long-period friendship. _I guess all girls do that to their friends whom they have spent half their childhood with._

He was practically ignoring her; she cringed for his husky, gruff voice, but it never came. She sighed inwardly but outside, she continued with her chatter, as if unaware of her companion's eerie silence. _After all, I won't ever see him again._

"Hey Syaoran-kun," her cheerily lilting voice reached his ear. "Have you ever wondered what will happen if someone dear to you suddenly disappears forever from this earth, from your side? Will you open up and cry?"

He tapped his chin in pretended thoughtfulness, and gave a barely visible shrug. She never gave up her obviously failing attempt. "Then what if it were me?"

He stopped short in his tracks. He had never thought of that before, not even once; Kinomoto Sakura had been his friend ever since he could remember; he took it for granted that the lighthearted chatterbox of a friend would never ever leave his side, and would always be there to irritate him, to get on his nerves.

He looked up from the seeming "trance" of the ground, only to find his reflection clearly imprinted in a pair of crystal clear emerald eyes, his soul reflected in his soul mate. She was just an utterly good friend of his; he wouldn't, the famous cold-hearted Li Syaoran really wouldn't care just because a friend was leaving. And besides, she might be just asking! She always did this, asking queer questions he couldn't answer. Did she really think she was the philosophical one?

Sakura was staring back at him; her head cocking to one side, expectations plainly written across her face. Her brownish bangs framed her most beautiful feature up carefully, as if protecting them. Li suddenly felt awkward and shifted his sight away from her.

"Ye… I dunno." He muttered to himself rather than to her. "Where are you bringing me to, anyway?"

Sakura lightened up very considerably that Li finally talked before her departure. "Towards the sun, that's where we are going!" she gushed blissfully, closing her eyes in spite of the fact that they had begun strolling along the deserted pavement once more. "I love inhaling the sunlight; it makes me feel happy and contented!"

Everything fell silent after her last sentence. The sun was still glowing palely, despite the rather noticeable trace of twilight stars already forming and taking their usual place above. Sakura felt their presence, opened her eyes, and memories flooded back like an endless waterfall, roaring, charging in torrents into her brain.

"_Syaoran-kun, look!" Sakura pointed towards a star, barely visible to the naked eye, positioning itself beside the dimming sun. "Isn't that beautiful? I bet the star is keeping the sun company, because the sun is going down soon, and it is feeling very sad!"_

_The six-year-old Li glanced up briefly, nodded his head in agreement, and almost immediately slumped back, using his right arm as a support for his head. The two young kids were lying on a meadow, one near their house, near the ever-flowing river. Because of the fact that it was pretty near, their parents allowed them to venture there on their own. They did that almost every day, though Li usually did it with reluctance. _

_Sakura muttered something, and Li caught hints of "star", "dimming", "shining" and "sun", and his six-year-old brain could scarcely make out its meaning. "What did you just say?" his snappy voice was met by a lilting one, far too lilting for his ears' comfort. _

"_Nope, nothing! I'm just being crazy, like I always am! Don't you think it would be good if we could fly? Then we can fly away from all trouble, worries and anger, to a land where it is private, peaceful and happy!"_

"_Hmm, I guess," he replied flatly. "I'm telling you it's impossible, so stop dreaming." He shot a glance at her face to see if she was pouting that he had retorted so rudely. Instead of what he imagined she was smiling so much her face was glowing with radiance._

"_I still think we should all have a dream," she said simply. Then she turned back to the darkening sky, not wanting to say another word._

"Kinomoto-san?" he inquired with a strange look on his face. "You're not leaving this place, are you?"

Her train of thought was broken, and upon hearing the question, she merely smiled in response. "We're reaching."

It was the first time he had heard her voice brimming with so much emotion that he could just about make out all. She grabbed him lightly by his arm and broke into a small run towards the pasture, the place so full of their childhood memories and where the sun was always the brightest. In fact it wasn't very close to their home; it was about a couple of kilometers away, but it was considered close in comparison to any other attractions in the peaceful town of Tomoeda.

"_Why does a rainbow appear after a rain shower?" Sakura asked innocently. Even though she knew the standard answer she still wanted to hear it from him, a point of view from a person who didn't know how to appreciate the beauties of life._

"_I forgot the answer," he brushed the matter aside rather lightly. "If you dunno why not try checking your science textbook? They definitely have the standard answer in there."_

"_It's sunset now, and it's almost impossible to see a rainbow. Don't you ever wish to see a twilight rainbow? It will definitely shine and stand out in the dark, and it will be really pretty!" Sakura gushed delightedly._

_Her pleasure was met by stunned stillness. _

The two preteens could easily memorize where their usual favourite hangout was, the place where they – or, rather, she – loved to view the world and where all of her philosophy would flow in like the river nearby. Usually during this time of day the distinct sound of roaring waters could be heard, and today was no different. This sound was like a beautiful melody to her ears, a graceful, soothing music like no other. But to him, it was merely a disturbing noise that would only add to the noise pollution. She caught a glimpse of his displeasure and sighed exasperatedly. When would Li ever learn to take pleasure in the earth's natural beauty?

"_Who are you?" Li was just four when Sakura moved in beside him. It was at the playground where the two met. Li's voice had an icy coating around it, containing no warmth whatsoever. His eyes were framed and covered almost entirely by his scruffy chestnut brown hair, and the visible portion of his eyes gave one the shivers, amber eyes that pierced right through the viewer, as if he could flip open the viewer's mind and read it as effortlessly as a book. But undoubtedly Sakura wasn't one who gave up; over the years she tried time and again to help him feel the warmth coming from deep within her, and failing. Sometimes Li wondered where her courage, determination and perseverance came from. _

"_Do you believe in guardian angels?" she asked once. He shot her a weird look that meant "what the hell are you talking about?" and she knew, so she elaborated. "You know those angels who will always be by your side and guide you through whatever problems you might have in life?"_

_He kind of understood, so he nodded, and shrugged. "If you have any problems, you could always say it out loud, and your guardian angel would hear it, you know." A menacing glare meant "what rubbish" and she smiled. "If you think I'm talking rubbish, you could always try it out."_

_To shut her up and prove her wrong, he did. He told the air everything, about his past, about his present._

"_I hate my life. I really, really do. It's not like I had a painful past or anything, it's just that I've never been shown any love from my parents. They make me practice damned martial arts; they teach me all about the morals, about being a great leader, a great role model. But they never fail to remind me emotions are scorned and ridiculed as a stupid weakness, and that the emotion called 'love' is the one that hadcaused many people's downfall. They never fail to harden me, never fail to teach me how to hide my emotions, bottle them up within myself. I'm so used to it now I hate it when people around me, especially you, can be so freaking cheerful when I'm stuck being a living statue!" his fists were clenched and his body was almost shaking with anger, when suddenly he calmed down and his tone turned back into the emotionless, icy one. "There, the guardian angel or whatever shit didn't do anything to change me."_

"_Don't worry, it will," Sakura said softly, laying a warm hand on his shoulder. "It has heard you, and is talking to you right now. If you would just calm down and listen, you will be able to hear…"_

_Not much to her surprise, he got up and walked away, then stopped and waited for her. "Do you want me to teach you how to love, Li-kun?"_

_His silence totally meant "love is not allowed in my household". Then they said no more._

"Do you want me to teach you how to love, Syaoran-kun?" over the years Sakura had gained special permission to call Li 'Syaoran-kun'. But he remained calling her Kinomoto-san, bitter as ever.

"Love is not allowed in my household," he replied, tone completely devoid of any hunger for love. But Sakura knew, despite all of his talks and cold exterior, he needed and wanted someone to love him, and yet, he didn't realize that person was so close by… She felt as if he was so close, yet so distant…

* * *

"Love is not allowed in my household," Li said flatly, like as if that was a standard answer of his. He stared at Sakura's rather disappointed face, and her suddenly unfocused eyes. Was he being too cruel to his friend? She should have gotten used to it by now. As long as she knew he regarded her as a pal, she should be content. 

_Has dusk struck?_ He wondered briefly, puzzled by the hurriedness of twilight. He looked over to Sakura for answers, but all he saw was a face overflowing with unspeakable sorrow and grief. "Are you sure you don't want me to teach you how to love, Syaoran-kun?" she sounded choked and the emerald pools became distorted by water.

Water… Tears… Was she crying? In his memory, Kinomoto Sakura never cried! _Someone's stabbing my heart with a knife_, he thought, wincing. _It wouldn't be so painful otherwise… _In his memory, Sakura was the symbol for joy and delight. Everywhere she went there was certain to be laughter and bliss. _And... And I never knew I would be so hurt when someone close to me cried... Because... Because I've never seen one cry before..._

The thunders roared with might and the lightning flashed like an artist's first jagged stroke. Grey rain clouds gathered hurriedly above the spot they were standing on, a totally bizarre sight. Was even the sky crying for Sakura?

Tears cascaded down her face in torrents, mingling with the now crashing raindrops. Tear stains were visible on her beautiful face, a face which was formerly glowing with radiance. This… why did this happen? Did Li just say something, something so wrong it could shatter Sakura's joy and bring unto her a completely new emotion?

"May I teach you how to love now, Syaoran-kun?" her voice was distant, like as if she was speaking with a microphone from miles away. It made him feel sad for the first time in the thirteen years of his life.

_It shouldn't be this way, it couldn't…_ His logical sense reminded him, but his heart refused to listen. Now his heart was brimming with so many different emotions he wanted to pour them all out, pour them into Sakura's joyous one, and leaving his heart empty again, but he couldn't…

"Please, Syaoran?" he looked up, and felt a tear pushing its way out from his right eye. This… this was impossible! Just a few moments ago he was freezing with ice! Him, Li Syaoran, crying? And all these years, he never realized what he felt for Sakura, when he didn't mind her grabbing his hand, when he didn't mind confiding in her, allowing her to call him Syaoran-kun, letting her control his life? He couldn't even identify his own feelings! So he had to wait till Sakura broke down, then he would realise? It wasn't plain long-term friendship, it was –

"So you've finally opened your heart, Syaoran?" Sakura brushed a stray tear away carelessly, and she broke into a full smile. "So my mission is complete, then! You have finally known to recognize your feelings!" Li could feel the overflowing joy within her, as she hugged him and squeezed him so tightly he could hardly breathe. For the first time in his entire life, he felt himself smiling in spite of the gushing rain, drenching them from head to toe. He never knew a simple tear from a simple girl could change him so much in such a short time. It was almost impossible! Unless…

"I'm your guardian angel, Syaoran-kun," she whispered softly into his ear. "God saw your heart, and he sent me down to help you open up, and help you feel love… My deadline is today, even if I don't succeed. But I'm happy it did, Syaoran-kun, I really am… And so I'm leaving…"

Then everything turned surreal. He was drifting and floating aimlessly along nowhere. Kinomoto Sakura had been making him fall in love with her? That was betrayal! How could she torture him like this, toy with his feelings like this…

"That's not it, Syaoran-kun…"

"It is, Sakura." Her name felt smooth, rolling off his tongue like he had been saying it forever. "You know I would hopelessly fall in love with you. That's all you were after, weren't it? You knew I was in love with you all along, but didn't know how to express it, didn't you? All these years, just to make me feel love, then tell me you're leaving after I open up my heart to yo –" he was cut mid-sentence by a pair of tender lips pushing against his. Before he knew what he was doing he returned the force in full… So he knew how to love, after all… His heart leaped with joy as she parted her lips to let his tongue enter. Their tongues battled fiercely and passionately, like nothing was going to matter, not even the rain, the lightning, the thunder, the storm… Everything was going to last after all, Li thought… And if I wanted, love would be allowed in my household…

Her tongue was departing… Li was in a daze… Why was this happening? It left his lips, his mouth; her body warmth wasn't there… Then he recovered for a while to comprehend the fact that she was indeed leaving.

The sight before him was gorgeous… Long elegant wings sprouted out of Sakura's back, as she reached out and tried to touch him. He extended his arm in a failed attempt to bring her back, to hold her, to touch her for one last time, to treasure her… "The time I spent with you, would definitely be the best years of my life, Syaoran-kun…" it was her voice, so ethereal and beautiful.

An invisible glass barrier separated the two, as Li desperately scratched its surface, trying to break it in vain. The storm had reached its maximum, its climax. Lightning and thunder were appearing almost together, and merciless rain soaked Li up, as if soaking up a sponge. He could take it no more. One last attempt to glimpse up at Sakura, one lasting fleeting look at his childhood best friend, his love, whom he forgot to treasure, one last time to try to extend their time together, and then a blinding white light engulfed all the earth, the storm calmed briskly, and Li fell unconscious.

* * *

Li woke up with a huge bruise on the back of his skull, where he landed with an audible 'thud'. He rubbed it disdainfully, feeling totally annoyed and angry with himself and everybody else around. Suddenly noticing himself lying on a meadow gave him a temporary shock, but he quickly apprehended everything and recent memories flooded his brain. A knife seemingly cut through his already weak heart as he remembered Sakura, and everything else. 

It wasn't twilight yet, he thought as he shot a momentary look up at the sky, though the sun was slowly dimming and a single, lone star was appearing beside it. This meant that time had brought Li back to the period before the storm started. That was absolutely impossible, and it reminded him of the painful truth.

"_Isn't that beautiful? I bet the star is keeping the sun company, because the sun is going down soon, and it is feeling very sad!" _He abruptly remembered Sakura's words, now so painfully imprinted in his mind. And the words after those… Words he could not hear previously now rang in his heart, clear as a church bell.

"_I'm like the sun, glowing in my youth but dimming at last. I will be sad when I go down, but as I disappear, you, like a lone star, stand beside me and tell me you love me, accompany me and as I finally vanish and fade away you will shine in the darkness of your household, bringing love and dazzling joy into your parents, remembering the love of the sun, remembering the love of me."_

Ah, his guardian angel was speaking to his heart. It was agonizingly calm now, after hearing those comforting words. And as tears pushed their way through thousands of layers of bitterness out from his eyes, he detected a single piece of notebook paper, a piece adorned with pink cherry blossoms as a border, lying beside him. On it were words he recognized as Sakura's handwriting, words that tore his heart apart.

"I love you."

A voice rang in his heart._ I love you, Syaoran-kun, though I'm not supposed to. Reluctantly I fell in love with you, fell in love with your coldness, your harshness, everything that you were. So may I call you Syaoran now? And could you please call me Sakura?_

A single tear trickled down his cheek like a trickling waterfall, a single tear that would melt the ice surrounding him, everything.

_Those years were definitely the best years of my life, **Sakura**. _

A single drop of liquid smudged the ink on the piece of paper. He looked up, and saw the sun still shining, wondering where it came from for a brief moment.

Did he know.

--FIN--

* * *

Wow. Did you actually **manage to wade out of the sea of nonsensical words**? I congratulate you! Now before you go tidy up, please drop a review to tell me if it was too crappy, too sucky or simply made you want to puke. Thanks a million! AndI know Syao was OOC, heh . 


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